We decided on Japanese. Right after my evening jog, my daughter and I descended upon our favorite Sushi Bar for a nice Friday night dinner and chat, catching up on each other’s lives after a busy week. Nothing special, just a relaxed mother/daughter dinner in blue jeans and T-shirts, hair up in pony tails.
I felt him stare at me all evening. He was with a group of people. I didn’t pay much attention to it; I am fairly impervious to these things. I can’t pretend that I didn’t notice him, because I did; it was hard not to: he was a very good looking guy.
My daughter left to get the car; I stayed to settle the bill. I said good night to our favorite waitress and made my way towards the door, stopping at the front desk for some mints. There he was by the front door waiting for me. He seemed a little uncomfortable and a bit apologetic. He handed me a tiny scrap of paper and with eyes open wide, almost child like, he urged me to call him in the sweetest tone. I said OK, smiled and left.
When I got into the car, I unfolded the small scrap of paper. It was actually a straw cover with his name and phone number neatly written on it. I just smiled. It was a sweet gesture from a good looking man who went out of his way to let me know that he wanted to see me again.
I recently ended my five year relationship. As a matter of fact, just today I revised my Facebook profile to reflect my newly acquired “single” status. If tonight is any indication of things to come, I think I’m going to enjoy this.
To all my single friends out there: go ahead, give me some advice; this is all new to me. It seems that I've been paired up for most of my adult life.
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41 comments • Myrtle Beach Real Estate by Mirela Monte • July 24 2009 10:33PM
Good luck in your future endeavors, Mirela. Take it as seriously as you want to. Although, I would say just enjoy your time right now. Whatever that may be.
I look forward to your words of wisdom! Please pour it on!
Heather: I'm still "licking my wounds"... Although it was inevitable and a long time coming, the break-up is still reverberating through my being...
Hi Mirela,
I've been out of the dating scene for over 20 yrs, yet if I remember correctly women didn't call men. It was the other way around. Why didn't he introduce himself and ask for your number? Or make a date right there? I guess you have to follow your heart and I wish you the best.
Bob: I will NOT call him. It was just a cute gesture and a warm and fuzzy realization that YES, I am now SINGLE! I can call if I want to (but I won't).
I guess I wasn't very clear: I want GENERAL advice about being single, not necessarily specific to this one occurrence.
Mirela- I'm just the opposite. I've been single for more than half of my adult life. I was married for 3 years, divorced for 14 plus and now married for 7. So I guess I'm approaching half and half. But I found the love of my life, in a chat room. I was in Georgia and he was in Germany. I skeptically opened myself up to him and he's a blessing to me and the part of him that was always missing. So I say... be careful, but be open. And someone who'd give me their number on a straw paper ... is just the kind of person I'd be open to.
Tammy: You are so sweet! Thank you for being so candid; I really appreciate it!
You certainly have a good point.
I am now seeing a counselor. I am taking "baby steps" toward a more balanced life. I have been working 80 hours per week this year. Most people call me a workaholic. They think I am avoiding life by working this much. I, on the other hand, strongly believe that I am simply navigating through this market as best as I can. The business is there and I have to deliver while the demand for my service exists. With such uncertainty in the market, I can't afford not to be vigilant... Maybe I should write another blog on this subject; I wonder how many new "workaholics" our industry has garnered this year?
Just have fun and enjoy the adventure as it unfolds.... my advice is just to take it slow before anyone moves in with the other... that's another story all together. I hope you just enjoy getting to know some fantastic people and enjoying life.
Joan: That is exactly what I intend to do. I have a 16 year old daughter and I am well aware that I have to set the right example. Kids don't do what you tell them to do; they do what they see you do...
I have been wanting to get involved in some altruistic causes for quite a while now. I used to be very involved in various worthy organizations until several years ago, when work became much more consuming. The kind of man I want to meet and spend time with is not in a bar, or even a gym. Instead, he is donating his services in a much less desirable place, helping others in ways that really matter. The last thing that I want is what I've had...
Mirela,
I have 2 great pieces of advice:
Best of luck!
Mirela- I am very sorry and yet happy for you in a way! What I have learned about relationships through my life is they come and go, and the more you encounter the easier they get! (Sometimes)
I wasn't able to fully read your post because I am surfing through the "Rain" very fast, but I will come back after another full read!
If your thinking of calling a man you met, why not! We are in the 21st Century and I would love if I met someone I like (female) and she called me!
You are a very attractive young lady and if I was a single man I would like to get to know you, please don't let Nu Nu read my comment. I will be back later!
VB
Wow! What a stroke of fancy. One generally doesn't get hit by lightning on "the day" of a social network upgrade, an announcement, etc.
I did have the fortunate opportunity to meet the man of my dreams at 40. May you have similar luck!
Mirela: Just take things nice and slow. And remember... "a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."
So, what does a fish need a bicycle for ? Exactly !
One specific thing I DO recommend... is spending more time with your sixteen year old daughter. Remember... she is sixteen only once ! And seventeen only once ! And soon... she will be on her own. What an incredible chance you have to get to know your daughter even better. How wonderful !
@ VB: What if your Nu Nu was standing behind you when you made your comment ? You'd be in deep doo doo with Nu Nu... LOL.
Sweetie, I'd call him from a phone that does not trace back (LOL). Men are just as vulnerable as women and sometimes a man will pass you his number because it may be his only chance at trying to get to know you. You wont know if he habitually does this or if it was his first time. I have male friends who have never done this but wish they had but were afraid of being rejected. They played macho and let the girl get away. Perfect example: my sister had a crush on my girlfriend's brother. He had a crush on my older sister. Neither of them would say a word, make a move, or do anything to upset the apple cart. They both wind up marrying other people, going through hellacious divorces after having kids, only to find out they could have been married and happy ages ago but were afraid of rejection. We were all crazy about each other back then (still are) and wonder what our lives would have been like if we had simply been honest with the people we loved rather than cautious in revealing that we loved them.
Geez, just admiting we actually liked someone could have changed the course of history (LOL).
You should call him to let him know you thought his gesture was very sweet. If you use a phone that doesn't trace back you can decide never to contact him again and/or meet for coffee. He may actually not be the one, but his brother may be. His co-worker may be. His friend may be. Just sayin...
I was a tomboy growing up. I always had more guy friends than girl friends. They still spill a lot of secrets like I'm their sister-shrink (LMAO). They like to test out things on me for the woman's point of view. I'm quirky. My POV is usually a bit twisted when it comes to relationships, but I really think a hello would make him not feel bad about doing this and may give you a chance to practice making reciprocal contact. Reward him for the courage to try and let him down gently since you are not interested. It will matter to him that a pretty lady was kind enough to give him a friendly hello, and he will keep trying to find what he thinks he is looking for while you will at least get to discover what it is that he wanted and what he does. Imagine if it turns out he wants to sell his house (LMAO). People have called my husband's cell phone thinking he is a Realtor and he's not (LOL). Dude might read your blog and may be star struck. Who knows... ;-)
Never know... that person you think you may like to try may one day too give you his number and say call me. I've met some of my best buds through blogging and never thought in a million years that I could love them as much as I love my Granny simply because someone said call me and I did (LOL). This from a girl who has had lots of warning about meeting people on-line (LMAO). Call who ever you want when ever you want. No one gets to make the rules about how you conduct your life except for you. You can have fun and grieve at the same time. I do. I know it can be done. ;-)
Featured @ Club Chaos
Can't wait to see what the bay-bays have to say. :-)
... aw what a sweet gesture he made ... and I know that must have made you feel smiley :o)
I wish you the very best best for continued fun and happiness !!
Cheers !
Sheldon
Mirela, we only go round once in life and what if he is a true prince charming....without the phone call you will never know......he was courageous for writing that note...give him a chance! We are strong women and sometimes we have to go for it! We scare men with our power!
Mirela , although I am no longer single just some advice for you to please be careful and trust your instincts.
Wow! This is incredible! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
What great advice and responses! I will be back to comment each and every one. Thank you so much for your kind support! I sincerely appreciate it!
Mirela - I was able to finally read your post in full, that's how busy I am! The comments are wonderful and I see my "little sister" featured your post, you go girl!
And if you ever want me to share some of my advise from a mans point of view, I would be a excellent candidate. I studied many courses in college on subjects related to relationships, the human mind, life and death!
Your feelings from your break up from your last will be very similar to someone dying, and the these types of break ups go hand & hand with death.
I look forward to speaking with you over the phone, here is my direct line ......... 702 443 7156
And my personal email address .............. Swetz777@yahoo.com
Robert Swetz (Vegas Bob)
Karen - My Nu Nu would understand, she knows how much I like to help people and she knows how much I love her!
Mirela,
The best advise on being Single again is to simply to relish the moment. Life is a Journey and we all travel different paths but share experiences in common. Since you mentioned that your past consisted of being in relationships over and over, without you really having a chance to be Single, I think the best thing for you to do is go out there and explore what it's like to actually be single! No one to judge you; no one looking over your shoulder; no one to check in with! Just you, living life to your fullest and learning more about yourself along the way!
Think of it as an opportunity to be free and open to whatever life puts in front of you. I wish you the best of luck and hope & pray that you have the chance to meet "the right one" along the way!
Hey Big Brother. A man's point of voice would be lovely. I'm always calling my guys when I need another opinion. My phone bill is crazy. Thank God for Skype! (LOL)
Mirela, I hope things go well regardless of how long it takes to discover what that may be. :-)
Hey Miss Thing! Whether you call him or not, isn't it nice to know you were noticed and he was brave enough and nice enough not to be overbearing in the way he let you know he was interested?
I'm not sure I would call, but what do I know, I've been married almost my whole life, but be safe and keep being noticed! haha!
Cindy
Cindy: "Miss Thing"?
Yeah, baby, you know it!
I've never had any trouble being noticed. At 5'9" and over 6ft. on heels, with my wild and curly red hair and my 'illegal' curves, I stick out big time. The problem is being noticed by the wrong guys... I'd much rather be married to one true man who thinks I'm all that and needs no other. They say that 60% of the men cheat and see nothing wrong with it. I need to focus on the 40%... I've never cheated and I'm as loyal as a barnyard dog; I'd like to find the same in a partner and that kind of guy is not that impressed with a woman's "outside"... I think I finally got this thing figured out.
C Tann: Thank you so very much for your support and kind words!
I used to own a lingerie store and I had a lot of monogamous couples as my regular clients. A lot of the happily married couples had known each other since high school, or even earlier, and whether they had been together since then, or got reunited later, there is much to be said about relationships forged during those formative years.
Sometimes we don't say anything because we think that things will sort themselves out naturally, organically. What is meant to be, will usually be... I've met couples who had been in love early in their lives, then went their separate ways. Marriages, kids and years later they re-connected and lived happily ever after. Fate has a way of having the last word...
Thomas: Thank you!
Robert: Thank you! I appreciate it; it's sweet of you, but I think the space here is sufficient for a general discourse on relationships. Sharing our views publicly here, helps all of us garner a better understanding of it all... After all, regardless of experience, erudition or training, we are all mere students of this thing called Life...
Larry: I will indeed be careful. As for trusting my instincts, although that is generally very good advice, it doesn't really work when applied to relationships. My instincts have always driven me to playboys. My father was one and that is familiar to me. I need to retrain and imprint a different 'model' of a man, one who is fully monogamous, loyal and trustworthy.
Caren: Is it any wonder that as women we have such misplaced expectations of the opposite gender? The notion of “Prince Charming” fostered by all the fairy tales we grow up with practically ensures “Relationship Failure” in adulthood.
Take Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs for example: Gorgeous Prince Charming just whisks by and gives her that magic kiss that wakes her up from the dead and they live happily ever after, or do they?
Where was Prince Charming when Snow White needed help? He was probably at the gym primping up… As for me, I wish that Snow White had ended up with Happy, Dopey or Doc. Prince Charming’s enticements can only last for so long; after a while you are left with the substance of a man. His character, loyalty and dependability suits a girl a heck of a lot better in the long run than all of the Prince’s Charms…
Sheldon: Thank you! It did make me feel "smiley".
Karen: ..."deep doo doo with Nu Nu",.. was really funny.
You are 100% right with reference to the advice about the daughter.
As for the fish/bicycle analogy: it's cute and it made me laugh when I first heard it, but (and this is where the hard core Feminists might want my hide) I disagree with it. I am secure enough to acknowledge that I indeed need a man. Human beings are highly social. Having a "better half" is bliss.
Vickie: That's so wonderful! I wish you'd tell us more about it. I love stories about how people met and fell in love. I'm a hopeless romantic...
Robert: You are really sweet. I sincerely appreciate your kind words!
I don't see anything wrong with calling a man in general. I don't dislike the idea, but somehow I manage to forget to call for some reason.
When a man likes a woman he somehow invariably manages to find and call her... Perhaps the pursuit is best left to men... thousands of years of indoctrination are hard to break... you are the hunters and we are the gatherers, and a 50 year old "women's movement" is a mere blink on the canvass of Life...
Christina: 1. Live in the moment, and enjoy it! Don't be too cautious in love.
Been there; done that; got the T-shirt (and the sweatshirt, the coffee mug, the magnet, the post card and whatever else they were peddling...). Hopefully I've learnt to do both: live in the moment, while keeping an eye to the future...
2.
Lord, have mercy, that looks good! SAKE sounds like a great excuse to make it to Dayton Ohio!
Hmm; I wonder what the "Playboy roll" looks like...
Christina: Hey, wait a minute, now I know:
That's exactly what I gave up when I broke up recently!
"Illegal Curves"
I love that! You are sooo cool!
Hey, move over this week at the beach, I'm here in NMB! I'll look for you to run by! haha!!
Have a great night! I know I am!
Cindy
You are very welcome Mirela!
VB
Enjoy your new status. I'm sure it was wonderful to know that you were being noticed by this attractive guy. Have fun whether you decide to call or not.
Mirela, I cant say much more than was already said... .Just have fun, keep your heart open, and dont take things too serriously.
Mirela,
If I may,my advice is have as much fun as you can but remember you are the star not Prince Charming,in the worse case he will take Dopey part right?
Zijuzijazijana
Mirela: You are looking for your soul mate. That search is like looking for something you have lost or misplaced. You can never find it when you are searching ~ the missing thing usually turns up when you are not looking.