Myrtle Beach Real Estate by Mirela

Stop Beating Yourself Up!

 

 

A friend of mine makes poor choices, then he incessantly beats himself up about it.  He has bouts of depression and a pattern of self-loathing, followed by making the very same mistakes all over again.

 

We talked about his pattern:

•1.     Doing the wrong thing.

•2.     Beating himself up about it.

•3.     Going back to #1 and starting all over again.

 

We discussed his pattern recently and he asked me:  Don't you beat yourself up when you make a mistake?" 

 

Yes, I do, but it's a simple two-step program.  I am upset with myself and I lament about it for a short while.  Then I write down what I've learned from my mistake and how I'm going to deal with the same circumstances in the future, as a result of this failure.  This way I actually use the mistake as a valuable tool, thus my pattern looks like this:

 

•1.     Doing the wrong thing.

•2.     Being upset about it.

•3.     Writing down my mistake, what I've learnt from it and how my future modus operandi will change as a result of this mistake.

•4.     Move on with my life (and make OTHER mistakes, NOT the same one!)

 

If you live, you'll make mistakes.  Cut yourself some slack and stop beating yourself up for it!  Instead, use your mistakes to perfect your ways!

 

 

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Comment balloon 23 commentsMirela Monte • January 28 2009 10:18PM

Comments

I hope this helps!  Focusing on the mistakes, only contributes to making more of them.  You can't see ahead, if you keep looking back...

Posted by Mirela Monte, Myrtle Beach Real Estate (Buyers' Choice Realty) over 11 years ago

So right Mirela, I've had a lot of won't do that again moments in my life. You can't go back and change things, carrying guilt doesn't help. Learn and move on.

Posted by Debbie Malone, From Lynchburg To The Lake (434) 546-0369 (Londeree's Real Estate & Property Management) over 11 years ago

Mirela - Mistakes make us wise, if we chose to learn from them.  I've made mistakes and plan on making many more, and I'm quite confident I'll be closer to fulfillment when my dying day inevitably arrives.  As long as I learn from them...

Posted by Jason Sardi, Your Agent for Life (Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina) over 11 years ago

Mirela Monte, Your Myrtle Beach Connection-Everybody makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect. You just have to learn from them so that you won't do it again. Great post.

Posted by Lanre-"THE REAL ESTATE FARMER" Folayan, I don't make promises.I deliver results.SOLD HOMES (Keller Williams Select Realtors-Buy a home in Washington DC. Sell a home in Washington DC) over 11 years ago

Mirela, Mistakes are good for us, that's how we learn.  IF we choose not to learn from them, well....there you have it:)  It's all about choices.  I like your idea of writing about it.  Maybe I'll start that!

Posted by Elizabeth Cooper-Golden, Huntsville AL MLS (Huntsville Alabama Real Estate, (@ Homes Realty Group)) over 11 years ago

Jason:  the more intensely we live the higher the likelihood of making mistakes....  It is indeed very freeing to ALLOW yourself to make them.  It is better to stick your finger in the fire, than to not have enough respect for it and the damage that it can cause... 

Debbie:  We all have!  Analyzing the mistake is an important component of keeping that promise to ourselves (I won't do that again!).

Posted by Mirela Monte, Myrtle Beach Real Estate (Buyers' Choice Realty) over 11 years ago

Elizabeth:  We tend to believe the written words.  I fully endorse dissecting the mistake and seeing it from all angles in writing.  Once you start putting your thoughts on paper, "the flow" just takes over and more details are revealed than you can think about.   Try it!  You'll be amazed by how effective it is.

Lanre:  YUP!  That's right!  Thank you!

Posted by Mirela Monte, Myrtle Beach Real Estate (Buyers' Choice Realty) over 11 years ago

We are our experiences....we hopefully learn from our mistakes....not sure which way to go, stand still; just a few of the things I have heard my Dad say countless times.

And yet....I never seemed to shut up and listen.

But you know what....the older I get the smarter I am.

Posted by Linda Lipscomb, 731-695-1118, Lexington TN Homes (Linda Lipscomb RE/MAX Lexington Henderson County TN) over 11 years ago

Hi Mirela!  You're so right--the focus should be on the lesson learned from the mistake and not the mistake itself!  GROW from it!

Debe in Charlotte

Posted by Debe Maxwell, CRS, The right Charlotte REALTOR! (www.iCharlotteHomes.com | The Maxwell House Group | RE/MAX Executive | (704) 491-3310) over 11 years ago

Debe: Absolutely! You are what you focus on...

Linda:  I like your style! 

With me it's: "the older I get, the smarter my parents are..."

Posted by Mirela Monte, Myrtle Beach Real Estate (Buyers' Choice Realty) over 11 years ago

I love the photo and what a great reminder to move on and get over it!  Thanks

Posted by Leslie Stewart, Realtor, ABR, CRS, Oregon Licensed Broker (Oregon Licensed Broker with Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices Real Estate Professionals) over 11 years ago

Mirela,

Guess I should have said: "the older I get , the smarter I hope I am."

 

 

Posted by Linda Lipscomb, 731-695-1118, Lexington TN Homes (Linda Lipscomb RE/MAX Lexington Henderson County TN) over 11 years ago

Mirela -- one of my therapists once said to me -- about my pattern which at the time was similar to your friend's -- that we should change the word mistake - and instead talk about experiments.  I experimented with something the other day, and this is what happened and what I concluded, and then what I will differently another time.  A really great reframing which I have just loved living!  BTW - I love the photo -- blue and yellow -- great saturation. Did you take the photo?

Posted by Alexsandra Stewart, Broker - Portland Oregon Real Estate (Remax equity group) over 11 years ago
Good advice, Mirela! We should try to learn from our mistakes, and then move on.
Posted by Bruce Brockmeier, Coached By Crouch (Internet Marketing Consultant to REALTORS®) over 11 years ago

Hello Mirela, it is not about how many times we fall in life, it is about how we get back up dust ourselves off and make the conscious decision to keep on keeping on.  Thanks for the post and happy blogging!

Posted by Jason Neumann, Realtor - www.KelownaRealEstateNews.com (Century 21 Assurance Realty Ltd.) over 11 years ago

Hi Mirela...I am old enough now to have survived many failures......and finally smart enough to have learned from MANY of the experiences...

The are many constants in life.....don't touch hot burners.....don't drink and drive.........don't make stupid comments to your wifes sister....don't cuss in any conversation with another person......don't make a promise you are not sure you can keep to anyone.but especially family

 

On the positive side...Do tell you spouse every day how much you love them...make it a point to say very positive comments every day, in every hour......log it if you have to.......get the hard things, the important things done first...and then play with the same enthusiasim

and I do love that picture

Posted by Mike Norvell Sr, Norvell Consulting Group (Morris Williams Realty) over 11 years ago

great post - we all make mistakes and the key is to learn, let go and move on...is hard to do sometimes but is the only way to get better

Posted by Randall Sandin, 843-209-9667 - Search for Charleston SC Real Estate (Carolina One Real Estate) over 11 years ago

Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.  I like the picture.

Posted by Goodbye Active Rain, Out of Real Estate over 11 years ago

Mirela- I love the picture...too funny.  I wonder if the learning lesson comes with age.  I realize as I am getter older (wow! don't like to use such a strong word) that I take things in more stride.  Mistakes or whatever is happening to me at any given moment is not the end of the world and should only be considered a stepping stone to what is important.  I no longer dwell on mistakes, but I also have a friend who seems to always be in the middle of some life crisis.  It is also very emotionally draining to be around that.

Posted by Tina Allen (Exit Realty Tri-County) over 11 years ago

Mistakes aren't bad... unless you repeat them! each one is a learning experience.

Didn't Thomas Edison have Thousands of failures prior to figuring out the light bulb?  he looked at each one as a learning experience.

now if you keep doing the same thing AGAIN and it doesnt work.. That is just plain insanity!

Posted by Robert Rauf (HomeBridge Financial Services (NJ)) over 11 years ago

Great advice. We will all mistakes and if we don't learn from them, will repeat them until we do learn.

Posted by Retired Notworking over 11 years ago

Mirela, mistakes are part of being human and anyone that tells you that they do not make them should be ashamed of themselves. The part that is insane to it all are the ones that do not learn from those mistakes.

Posted by Danny Thornton, WordPress Guru (R & D Art) over 11 years ago

Mirela~

Your very well put post reminds me of a great quote.

"If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." ~ Mary Pickford

Mott Marvin Kornicki // Real Estate In Miami // Associate | Broker

Aventura // The Waterways // Bal Harbour // Sunny Isles Beach • Florida

Posted by Mott Marvin Kornicki, Waterway Realtors, Notary Public 786-229-7999 (Waterway Realtors® • South East Florida • Real Estate Brokers) over 11 years ago

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